Illinois Family Law Advocate : Peoria Family Lawyer & Attorney : Shahzad R. Khan Law Firm : Divorce, Child Support : Chicago, Bloomington, Normal & Sangamon

[reported by the Associated Press]

Thu Mar 18, 2:56 pm ET
GREENSBORO, N.C. – A jury has awarded a North Carolina woman $9 million from her husband's lover after ruling the other woman ruined their marriage.

The News & Record of Greensboro reports the jury ruled this week in 60-year-old Cynthia Shackelford's alienation of affection case. North Carolina is one of a handful of states that allow jilted spouses to sue over affairs.

Shackelford says her husband was a Greensboro attorney when he started an affair before separating from her in April 2005.

The other woman didn't respond to a message left by the newspaper.

Shackelford's lawyer says she might not get the full $9 million, but Shackelford wanted to send a message that the sanctity of marriage should be respected. 

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Illinois is one of the handful of states that allows jilted spouses to sue over affairs committed by their spouses.  The Illinois statute regarding Alienation of Affection, 740 ILCS 5/1 can be found here.

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If you are going through a divorce, are separated, or are involved in some other form of family law related litigation, be aware of what client's post on social networking sites.  Recently, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers conducted a survey in which they determined that: "81% of the nation's top divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years."  

This is true.  It is true because I have used this evidence against opposing parties in divorce and paternity litigation.  You will be surprised as to what evidence, clues, and information is posted on social networking sites for your client and the opposing party. Although the article specifically mentions Facebook, all social networking sites are fair game in family law litigation.  I also include dating sites as sources of valuable information.  

In one such case, I had the opportunity to prevent the illegal removal of a child from the state of Illinois.  In that case, the opposing party was leaving clues and all sorts of information of her planned move to another state on her myspace page.  Her exact words were quoted in placed in an ex-parte petition for temporary restraining order and the pages were printed out and attached as exhibits to the petition as well.  Lets just say that the opposing party was shocked  when she was served with a court order temporarily restraining her movement with the minor child and the petition that quoted her own words and showed pictures of her own statements. 

Attorneys need to advise their clients about the pitfalls of social networking sites while involved in family law litigation.  Client's should inform their attorneys that they have these sites and they frequent these sites. A question about social networking should always appear in an initial client questionnaire.

It is important to advise the client to limit their presence on these sites and remove possibly objectionable and damaging material.  It is also advisable for attorneys to have the passwords to these sites to monitor their client's information so that it does not jeopardize their rights and cause damage to their cases.  

Important points to remember: 

• This is important! Social networking sites are public forums and therefore are sources of public information.  
• Be careful who you accept as a friend on social networking sites.  Limit access to your personal information to only those you trust.  In this day and age it is very difficult to trust someone on the internet.  
• Do not post objectionable pictures.  These are pictures that are sexually suggestive or pictures that place yourself or a child in danger of being harmed. 
• Do not post objectionable comments.  These include comments regarding your state of mind, including that you are depressed or you have thoughts of suicide  Also do not post your feelings of rage and anger towards your spouse, ex-spouse or significant other.  In addition, do not post your thoughts, feelings and emotions pertaining to persons involved in your case, like the judge. 
• Make sure your attorney is aware that you have these sites and make sure your attorney reviews the sites with you to remove objectionable information or information that could be construed in a wrong way. 

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On December 27, 2009, CBS news reported that a man in Sacremento, California was hospitalized for burns and smoke inhalation resulting from trying to burn papers served on him as a part of his divorce case. The article can be found here.

This is clearly something you should not do if you are served with papers for divorce or any other court proceeding. It is frustrating to be served with court papers and in his case, a petition for dissolving his marriage. Thoughts regarding ending a marriage are not pleasant. Moreover, whatever is written in the petition will likely cause you to rip your hair out and cause you to feel anger and at the same time sadness about a relationship that you have put so much love, time and effort into. These emotions are normal. It’s what you do with these emotions that may get you in trouble.

Extreme anger may result in domestic violence. Extreme sadness may result in suicidal thoughts and actions. Most people are level headed and usually call an attorney to find out about their rights and obligations. That’s what you should do if you are served with divorce papers.

However, I have dealt with people who have taken their emotions to the extreme and committed acts of domestic violence and acts that affect their own personal safety. These actions are not going to help you win your case. If children are involved in your case, these actions are going to significantly effect your chances of having any contact with your children.

Litigants that I have represented and have dealt with on the other side have been ordered to have supervised visitation with their children due to acts of domestic violence and uncontrolled anger. Litigants can be required to undergoe anger management therapy and other psychological therapies. Litigants can also lose any possibility of getting custody of their children just because of their thoughtless actions.

So it’s important to think before you act. But, if you cannot control yourself, get help immediately.

Important things to remember:

• If you are served with divorce papers or any other kind of legal papers for any proceeding, call an attorney as soon as possible to understand the documents that have been served upon you and understand your rights and obligations.
• Time is of the essence.  In some jurisdictions a response to a petition for dissolution or divorce is required within 20 days of service.  In Illinois, some form of affirmative action (filing a response or filing an Appearance) must be taken within 30 days of service.  Failure to do so may result in adverse effects on your rights and obligations.  So, consult an attorney as soon as possible. 
• If you are served, keep your emotions in check. Remember extreme actions can have extreme results.
• If you or someone you know is suffering from extreme anger or extreme sadness or depression due to a divorce, get help immediately. Contact a mental health professional. If there is an immediate threat to life, call 911.
• If you filed for divorce, and you have been threatened by your spouse due to the filing or have been stalked, harassed or intimidated in any manner, contact an attorney to understand your rights and obligations. You do not have accept the harassment, intimidation, stalking or interference with your personal liberty. Depending on your jurisdiction, protective orders, restraining orders and orders of protection exist to protect children and litigants from unruly spouses who cannot control their anger and their emotions.

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