Failing to Exercise Visitation

Posted on May 1, 2010 by Shahzad Khan

I have represented my fair share of both men and women in family law disputes over the course of years.  Specifically, with regard to visitation something does not make sense to me.  Why do certain parents decide not to exercise their self petitioned and court ordered visitation orders. Usually, while the litigation is proceeding, these parents fight tooth and nail to get every kind of visitation possible. But when it comes time to exercise this visitation, they are no where to be found.  

There simply is no way to make someone exercise their visitation schedule.  You could file a Petition for Rule to Show Cause for their non-compliance with the court order.  Frankly, I've never seen that happen. You could move the court to terminate the parents visitation rights by showing that the lack of visitation is a substantial endangerment to the child's emotional, psychological and physical health. However, it's very difficult to meet the standard of substantial endangerment. 

Illinois law encourages visitation by stating "that visitation affords members of a family the opportunity to communicate with each other, and thus diminish hostilities and foster an atmosphere in which a renewal of affection may take place."  In re Marriage of Reed, 100 Ill. App. 3d 873 (1981).  However, Illinois law also provides that a non-custodial parent cannot be forced to exercise his or her visitation rights.  Something simply doesn't make sense. 

When a parent fails to exercise his or her visitation rights, he or she doesn't realize the damage they are causing to their relationship with their child or children.  It is the child who waits around for the phone call on Saturday.  It is the child who sits by the door on Friday afternoon waiting for their other parent to spend the weekend with them.  It is the child who asks the custodial parent, why doesn't my mommy or daddy visit with me or see me more often.  In the end, it is the child who is left hurt and emotionally scarred.  

Take a moment to think about what is important to you in life.  If your family, child or children didn't enter your mind within the first few seconds of thinking about what is important to you, then you need to have your head checked.  

It is never too late to show love and affection and build a strong, loving relationship with your child or children.  So, make time and go call or visit your child or children.  

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Mother's Day, Father's Day, and summer break visitation: Great opportunities to enjoy your children!

Posted on April 4, 2010 by Shahzad Khan

Mother's Day is May 9, 2010.  Father's Day is June 20, 2010.  Both are fast approaching.  In addition, so is summer break.  

If you do not have a visitation schedule with your children granting you visitation on your applicable holiday, now is the time to act.  In addition, this is a great time to act to get visitation and parenting time with your children during their summer break.  

If you do have a visitation schedule that grants you visitation on Father's Day or Mother's Day, PLEASE do not ignore it.  This is a great opportunity for you to spend some quality time with your children.  Just remember that if it wasn't for your children, you wouldn't be celebrating a mother's day or a father's day. So enjoy your special day and enjoy the company of your children.  

If you do have a visitation schedule that grants you parenting time during your children's summer break, PLEASE do not ignore it.  This is a great opportunity for you to spend some quality time with your children without the distractions of school and extracurricular activities.  You have their full attention.  Take advantage of it. 

For those parents who do have a specific court ordered visitation schedule whether for the summer or for Mother's Day or Father's Day and often times do not get to exercise their visitation due to an outright denial of visitation or interference of their visitation rights by their former spouse or former significant other, now is the time to take action and have the court order their compliance.  Take action now.  Do it for your kids. Fight to be with them.  Believe me, they will thank you for it.  

 

 

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Ten Ways to Love a Child!

Posted on March 25, 2010 by Shahzad Khan

Whether you are married, in a relationship, divorced, separated, or going through some family law oriented dispute and you are a mother or a father, please take a moment to read over this list.

No matter what turmoil may exist in your life with regard to relationships, if you have children you and your spouse, ex-spouse, ex-significant other should take the time to show your children how much you love them and how much you care for them.

No matter what issues exist between you and your spouse, ex-spouse, ex-significant other, the children should never be caught up in these adult disputes. They should never have any knowledge about these adult disputes. They should never be brought within these disputes and have to choose sides.

Instead they should have an understanding that no matter what the situation may be, my parents, together, love me and care for me!

My ten ways to love a child:

1. Hugs and Kisses and cuddling up with one another: No matter how young the child is or how old the child is, hugs and kisses reinforce love and create closer and stronger bonds between parent and child. I know as children grow older, hugs and kisses decrease. Older kids may not appreciate this much, but I know younger kids will. Give hugs and kisses in the morning when you see them for the first time, before they go to school, when they get back from school and before they go to bed. That may be a lot for some of you and a lot for some children, but it does show a lot of love. This is the best way to express love.

2. Try to see the world from where they see the world: This applies to little kids especially, but can be applicable to older children as well. As an adult, we look down to talk to our children and they look up to see us. Often times we forget that the world as we see it in our adult eyes is not how children see the world. So, get down on your hands and knees and explore the world with your children from their level.

3. Read a book or sing a song together: Reading a book together not only is a great learning experience, it creates the very good habit of reading. Reading helps children with discovering new vocabulary. Reading a book together creates a true bonding opportunity. It brings parents and children closer to one another as does singing songs or nursery rhymes together.

4. Learn to Listen: Often times as adults we ignore most of what is said by children as habit because children sometimes say a lot. Take the time to listen to what they have to say. Give them your undivided attention. Giving your undivided attentions shows love and shows care to the child. You may be surprised by what they have to say.

5. Play and have fun together: Playing counting games or singing the ABC’s with toddlers and preschool age children is source of great enjoyment and a source of learning. Going to the park, riding your bikes together, going on a nature walk, going to a museum or taking a trip together can all be fun and enjoyable things to do.

6. Eat together. Eating breakfast, lunch when possible and always dinner together is a great way to show a child or children that they are a part of something, that they are a part of a family.

7. Surprise! Children love surprises. So what if it isn’t their birthday. So what if it isn’t Christmas, Hanukkah, or Eid. Giving something to them is a wonderful way to express your love. Taking them to their favorite restaurant, to the movies, to Chuck E. Cheese or taking them on a trip to the Grand Canyon are all wonderful ways to express your love for your child or children. Surprise them! They’ll love you for it.

8. Show praise and use positive words of encouragement. No matter how young or how old the child may be, show them and tell them how proud you are of their accomplishments, however big the accomplishment is or however small it is. Children need our encouragement. When they hear our encouragement, they know that they are loved and cared for. Tell them that you believe in them. Tell them that you support and encourage them in their education, extracurricular activities and other matters.

9. Discipline your child with love. Don’t be abusive in language or physically. Children need to have boundaries. No matter how young or old they may be, explain to them that their behavior is not acceptable and it is something that you do not approve of. Instruct them to do the right thing and guide them as good role models to not engage in improper things.

10. Be a good role model for your child or children.  Don't leave it up to athletes and movie stars to be your child's role model.  You are in a position to have the most influence on your child or children.  Take advantage of your position!

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