Happy Father's Day
Happy Father's Day to my dad, my father-in-law and all dad's around the world. Enjoy your day! I know I will.
Happy Mother's Day
Happy Mother's Day to my mom, my wife, my mother-in-law and all mom's around the world. Mom, Happy Birthday. You're the best!
Annulments - A not so common remedy!
The Illinois statute pertaining to annulments is 750 ILCS 5/301 et seq. of the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act. In Illinois a cause of action for annulment is known as a Declaration of Invalidity of Marriage. Annulments are not a common remedy these days as it has become so easy to get a no-fault divorce based on irreconcilable differences. However, annulments have been around for centuries as they have their roots in religious or theological law, as in the Catholic Church.
The benefit of getting a declaration of invalidity of marriage is that if an annulment is granted, it is as if the marriage never existed. But, If you are divorced then there is always a record of a previous marriage that follows you throughout life. However, proving the grounds for annulment are sometimes more difficult than proving grounds in a dissolution of marriage case.
In Illinois, there are four distinct categories of grounds for which a declaration of invalidity of marriage may be sought. They include:
- A party to the marriage lacked capacity to consent to the marriage or the party was forced into marriage by force, duress or fraud – the capacity that is referred to here is mental capacity.
- A party lacked physical capacity to consummate the marriage – this is referring to the inability to perform sexual intercourse to consummate the marriage;
- A party was age 16 or 17 and did not have the consent of their parent, guardian or judicial approval to get married;
- The marriage is prohibited by law – these are marriages referenced in 750 ILCS 5/212 of the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act, which can be found here.
There are time limitations on bringing a Petition for Declaration of Invalidity of Marriage on each of these four categories of grounds. These time limitations can be found in 750 ILCS 5/302 of the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act, which can be found here.
Important points to remember:
- A Declaration for Invalidity of Marriage is a remedy not often used due to the ease of obtaining a no-fault divorce.
- A Declaration of Invalidity of Marriage requires grounds to be proven within limited time limitations. Failure to adhere to these time limitations, will likely result in the parties having to file a dissolution of marriage proceeding.
- If a Declaration of Invalidity of Marriage is granted, you are granted a clean slate with regard to your marital history.
- Children born during marriages that are later determined to be invalid are considered legitimate to the parties of that invalid marriage.
- Spouses who in good faith were married and later the marriage was invalidated, can receive property rights and maintenance (alimony) if the interests of justice so require.
Failing to Exercise Visitation
I have represented my fair share of both men and women in family law disputes over the course of years. Specifically, with regard to visitation something does not make sense to me. Why do certain parents decide not to exercise their self petitioned and court ordered visitation orders. Usually, while the litigation is proceeding, these parents fight tooth and nail to get every kind of visitation possible. But when it comes time to exercise this visitation, they are no where to be found.
There simply is no way to make someone exercise their visitation schedule. You could file a Petition for Rule to Show Cause for their non-compliance with the court order. Frankly, I've never seen that happen. You could move the court to terminate the parents visitation rights by showing that the lack of visitation is a substantial endangerment to the child's emotional, psychological and physical health. However, it's very difficult to meet the standard of substantial endangerment.
Illinois law encourages visitation by stating "that visitation affords members of a family the opportunity to communicate with each other, and thus diminish hostilities and foster an atmosphere in which a renewal of affection may take place." In re Marriage of Reed, 100 Ill. App. 3d 873 (1981). However, Illinois law also provides that a non-custodial parent cannot be forced to exercise his or her visitation rights. Something simply doesn't make sense.
When a parent fails to exercise his or her visitation rights, he or she doesn't realize the damage they are causing to their relationship with their child or children. It is the child who waits around for the phone call on Saturday. It is the child who sits by the door on Friday afternoon waiting for their other parent to spend the weekend with them. It is the child who asks the custodial parent, why doesn't my mommy or daddy visit with me or see me more often. In the end, it is the child who is left hurt and emotionally scarred.
Take a moment to think about what is important to you in life. If your family, child or children didn't enter your mind within the first few seconds of thinking about what is important to you, then you need to have your head checked.
It is never too late to show love and affection and build a strong, loving relationship with your child or children. So, make time and go call or visit your child or children.
Mother's Day, Father's Day, and summer break visitation: Great opportunities to enjoy your children!
Mother's Day is May 9, 2010. Father's Day is June 20, 2010. Both are fast approaching. In addition, so is summer break.
If you do not have a visitation schedule with your children granting you visitation on your applicable holiday, now is the time to act. In addition, this is a great time to act to get visitation and parenting time with your children during their summer break.
If you do have a visitation schedule that grants you visitation on Father's Day or Mother's Day, PLEASE do not ignore it. This is a great opportunity for you to spend some quality time with your children. Just remember that if it wasn't for your children, you wouldn't be celebrating a mother's day or a father's day. So enjoy your special day and enjoy the company of your children.
If you do have a visitation schedule that grants you parenting time during your children's summer break, PLEASE do not ignore it. This is a great opportunity for you to spend some quality time with your children without the distractions of school and extracurricular activities. You have their full attention. Take advantage of it.
For those parents who do have a specific court ordered visitation schedule whether for the summer or for Mother's Day or Father's Day and often times do not get to exercise their visitation due to an outright denial of visitation or interference of their visitation rights by their former spouse or former significant other, now is the time to take action and have the court order their compliance. Take action now. Do it for your kids. Fight to be with them. Believe me, they will thank you for it.
Ten Ways to Love a Child!
Whether you are married, in a relationship, divorced, separated, or going through some family law oriented dispute and you are a mother or a father, please take a moment to read over this list.
No matter what turmoil may exist in your life with regard to relationships, if you have children you and your spouse, ex-spouse, ex-significant other should take the time to show your children how much you love them and how much you care for them.
No matter what issues exist between you and your spouse, ex-spouse, ex-significant other, the children should never be caught up in these adult disputes. They should never have any knowledge about these adult disputes. They should never be brought within these disputes and have to choose sides.
Instead they should have an understanding that no matter what the situation may be, my parents, together, love me and care for me!
My ten ways to love a child:
1. Hugs and Kisses and cuddling up with one another: No matter how young the child is or how old the child is, hugs and kisses reinforce love and create closer and stronger bonds between parent and child. I know as children grow older, hugs and kisses decrease. Older kids may not appreciate this much, but I know younger kids will. Give hugs and kisses in the morning when you see them for the first time, before they go to school, when they get back from school and before they go to bed. That may be a lot for some of you and a lot for some children, but it does show a lot of love. This is the best way to express love.
2. Try to see the world from where they see the world: This applies to little kids especially, but can be applicable to older children as well. As an adult, we look down to talk to our children and they look up to see us. Often times we forget that the world as we see it in our adult eyes is not how children see the world. So, get down on your hands and knees and explore the world with your children from their level.
3. Read a book or sing a song together: Reading a book together not only is a great learning experience, it creates the very good habit of reading. Reading helps children with discovering new vocabulary. Reading a book together creates a true bonding opportunity. It brings parents and children closer to one another as does singing songs or nursery rhymes together.
4. Learn to Listen: Often times as adults we ignore most of what is said by children as habit because children sometimes say a lot. Take the time to listen to what they have to say. Give them your undivided attention. Giving your undivided attentions shows love and shows care to the child. You may be surprised by what they have to say.
5. Play and have fun together: Playing counting games or singing the ABC’s with toddlers and preschool age children is source of great enjoyment and a source of learning. Going to the park, riding your bikes together, going on a nature walk, going to a museum or taking a trip together can all be fun and enjoyable things to do.
6. Eat together. Eating breakfast, lunch when possible and always dinner together is a great way to show a child or children that they are a part of something, that they are a part of a family.
7. Surprise! Children love surprises. So what if it isn’t their birthday. So what if it isn’t Christmas, Hanukkah, or Eid. Giving something to them is a wonderful way to express your love. Taking them to their favorite restaurant, to the movies, to Chuck E. Cheese or taking them on a trip to the Grand Canyon are all wonderful ways to express your love for your child or children. Surprise them! They’ll love you for it.
8. Show praise and use positive words of encouragement. No matter how young or how old the child may be, show them and tell them how proud you are of their accomplishments, however big the accomplishment is or however small it is. Children need our encouragement. When they hear our encouragement, they know that they are loved and cared for. Tell them that you believe in them. Tell them that you support and encourage them in their education, extracurricular activities and other matters.
9. Discipline your child with love. Don’t be abusive in language or physically. Children need to have boundaries. No matter how young or old they may be, explain to them that their behavior is not acceptable and it is something that you do not approve of. Instruct them to do the right thing and guide them as good role models to not engage in improper things.
10. Be a good role model for your child or children. Don't leave it up to athletes and movie stars to be your child's role model. You are in a position to have the most influence on your child or children. Take advantage of your position!
Man throws egg at judge during child support hearing
[I do not know what this man was thinking. From what he did, I can tell you that he has scrambled eggs for brains. Judge McJoynt is one of the nicest, most reasonable and fair judges you will ever meet. I cannot understand what possesses a person to pull off a stunt like this. People cease to amaze me.]
March 24, 2010
SUN-TIMES MEDIA WIRE
(WHEATON) A 40-year-old west suburban man was arrested Wednesday morning after he allegedly threw a raw egg at a judge during a child support hearing at the DuPage County Courthouse.
Agim Demiri of Naperville was in court for a child support case when he got upset and threw a raw egg at the presiding judge, according to a release from the DuPage County Sheriff's office. Demiri was immediately taken into custody by a sheriff's deputy in the courtroom.
The judge was not injured, sheriff's office spokeswoman Dawn Domrose said.
He was charged with one count of direct criminal contempt and remanded immediately to the DuPage County Jail for seven days, the release said. He is due back in court at 1:30 p.m. Wednesday.
The incident is still under investigation and more charges may be filed.
NC woman gets $9M in alienation of affection suit
[reported by the Associated Press]
Thu Mar 18, 2:56 pm ET
GREENSBORO, N.C. – A jury has awarded a North Carolina woman $9 million from her husband's lover after ruling the other woman ruined their marriage.
The News & Record of Greensboro reports the jury ruled this week in 60-year-old Cynthia Shackelford's alienation of affection case. North Carolina is one of a handful of states that allow jilted spouses to sue over affairs.
Shackelford says her husband was a Greensboro attorney when he started an affair before separating from her in April 2005.
The other woman didn't respond to a message left by the newspaper.
Shackelford's lawyer says she might not get the full $9 million, but Shackelford wanted to send a message that the sanctity of marriage should be respected.
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Illinois is one of the handful of states that allows jilted spouses to sue over affairs committed by their spouses. The Illinois statute regarding Alienation of Affection, 740 ILCS 5/1 can be found here.
Child Support Orders: understanding your obligations before you get burnt!
(This is part one of a two part series on problems non-custodial parents face when they do not read over and understand their obligations pursuant to a child support order.)
In Illinois the preferred and the default method of paying child support is through the State Disbursement Unit by an income withholding order The State Disbursement Unit is essentially a clearing house that accepts child support, records it ,and forwards it on to the custodial parent. Its actually a great way to pay support because it protects the non-custodial by creating a record of their payments. If child support is being paid through income withholding, then there should be no question of whether support was paid or not paid.
Having said that obligors, those parents obligated to pay child support, or non-custodial parents often find themselves in trouble when they fail to read child support orders over carefully. Often times obligors or non-custodial parents find themselves behind in child support simply because they didn't read the order over properly or they're attorney didn't advise them properly.
When a child support order is entered with an income withholding order child support does not automatically start flowing from your paycheck. Unfortunately, there is a period of time from when the support order is entered and the income withholding notice is sent, received and placed in the payroll system at your employers payroll or human resources office. During this lag time, you are responsible for paying child support on your own when it is due. If you do not see it coming out of your paycheck, you must pay for it on your own.
That means you must write a check or obtain a money order for the amount you are to pay and pay it according to the frequency you are required to pay it. So, for example if you are ordered to pay child support in the amount of $100.00 biweekly, then each time you are paid biweekly by your employer, you should drop a check or money order in the mail to the State Disbursement Unit, in the amount required until you see support being withheld and deducted from your paycheck.
This is a common scenario that gets many obligors or non-custodial parents in trouble. Once you fall behind in child support, you start incurring penalties and interest. These penalties and interest rack up rather quickly.
The worse thing you can do during this lag time, besides not doing anything, is paying child support to the custodial parent with cash payments. No matter how good your terms are with the custodial parent, child support should never be paid with cash. Cash, unlike a check or money order, does not leave any evidence behind to show that it was paid. So, if ever a dispute arises between you and the custodial parent regarding your payment of child support, cash will not save you.
Important things to remember:
- Read all court orders over for your own understanding. If you do not understand something have your attorney explain it to you. If you do not have an attorney, find an attorney that conducts a free consultation who may be able to explain and answer your questions during that consultation.
- There is a lag time between the time the order for support is entered and support starts flowing from your paycheck. Make sure you pay support during that lag time if support is due.
- Failure to pay support during that lag time will result in penalties and interest that will add up and can result in findings of contempt, fines, imprisonment and depending on the amount the loss of your driver's license and passport.
- Never pay support with cash to the custodial parent. It will burn you many years down the road.
- If you are going to pay support before support flows from your paycheck, pay it with a check or money order to the State Disbursement Unit.
Child Support Accountability Laws
True story. Father, non-custodial parent of two children works as an employee for the City of Chicago. He works hard for his money and he works hard to provide a better life for his children. He pays support on a regular basis and has never, ever fallen behind.
He's a good father, never late for visitation and always looking forward to the next opportunity to see his kids. But each time he sees his children he notices that their condition does not ever change. They wear the same old clothes, the same old tattered shoes, the same back pack year in and year out, the same things over and over again. Their condition simply does not change. Even though he pays support, he still brings them new clothes, toys and things of use for school and sport.
The father then describes the condition of the children's mother, who happens to not work and who happens to collect child support from two other men. She has nicely manicured nails, a new hair style, a new Coach purse and is well dressed and well groomed.
Make whatever assumptions you may want. In my line of business I have seen custodial parents take child support checks and payments and blow them all away at the mall and even in Northwest Indiana at Harrah's or at the riverboat in Joliet. Illinois does not have any child support accountability laws. It's unfortunate.
However, simply put there aren't many states to begin with that require a custodial parent to account for the child support that they receive from a non-custodial parent. To my understanding there are a total of eleven states in the United States that have some form of child support accountability law. Two of those states border our great state and they are Indiana and Missouri. The others include: Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Kansas, Louisiana, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Oregon, Washington and Alabama.
The Indiana child support accountability law can be found here and the Missouri child support accountability law can be found here.
You hear of these abuses once in a while. Its unfortunate that these abuses exist. But, I can say that the vast majority of custodial parents use the child support that they are entrusted with for the proper purposes of providing for the child's day to day needs, including food, clothing, supplies for school, toys and other necessities of life.
It's my opinion that if laws exist with stringent penalties for the non-payment of support, then laws should exist for the abusive use of support. However, the problem with accountability laws is how do you prove that the custodial parent has not used the support in a proper manner. Videotape of a custodial parent cashing a check at Harrah's is not always available.
